Dear (Very Confusing) Secret Santa

Dear Secret Santa from my place of employment,

Thank you for the time and effort you put into the purchase of women’s plus sized twelve underwear for me this year. You must have scoured the Secret Santa Gift Guide for hours to assure that I would receive the perfect gift. Although the underwear is literally 6 sizes too big, I feel confident I can come up with many resourceful, practical uses for my new plus sized gift. With my new underwear, I can:

Knit a stocking

Pitch a tent

Make an attractive head scarf

Dress a snowman

Make holiday place mats with elastic waist bands

Fashion a mosquito net for last minute jungle excursions

Swaddle a newborn set of quintuplets

Blindfold a set of school children for a fun game of pin the tail on the donkey

Make a new fashion statement and submit it to Vogue

Be the envy of friends and family

And of course, create memories that will last a life time

Thank you, secret santa. Christmas miracles really do come true.

Sincerely,

Twenty Something Waitress